Through Your Crescent and Full

“Fuck off…”

A harsh curse word could be heard, accompanying the long-lasting sigh from the man seated in his chair. Sunlight beamed through the window and birds were chirping around playfully, contrary to what the man just did.

“I’ve always known you’re not a morning person but hey, a curse word early in the morning?”

The blue haired man didn’t even bother to turn his head upon the other one who just talked. Harst walked into their working space, his hand held two cups of morning beverage. One was hot coffee, and the other was hot chocolate.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Harst greeted his boyfriend, leaning in to place a kiss on his cheek as he placed a cup of coffee above the desk. Ezra paused for a moment to give his beloved a smile, though to Harst, it seemed more tired than warm.

“Good morning. Did you just wake up?” Ezra asked nicely, sipping his morning coffee.

“Yeah,” Harst took a sip, “I actually woke up half an hour ago. I didn’t see you in our bed so I thought you’d be here and decided to bring some beverages.” He scanned their workspace carefully, that place was surely a mess.

Harst’s desk was tidy, adorned with his laptop and several Russian literary works he loved. But Ezra’s was quite the opposite. Harst saw cables everywhere. One for his phone, one for his tablet, another one for his charging-pen, his earphone, and another pen on his hand. From the look of it, Ezra didn’t take any rest. Ezra did cuddle Harst to sleep the night before, but he immediately left for his work right after Harst fell asleep.

“How thoughtful of you,” Ezra complimented as he formed an eye smile, kinda weird for Harst to see because Ezra’s eyebags were really bad.

“Oh indeed I am,” Harst scoffed, bringing a little laugh from Ezra, “Are you pretending to be one of your characters again? The Harst I know would never greet me like a good wife nor kiss me on the cheek out of nowhere, let alone making a drink.”

“...Am I that bad?” Harst frowned (yes, he was acting nice to develop his in-novel character), noticing that he actually never did this. He usually just yells ‘Ezra!!’ every morning to get his prince charming running to his side.

“Not really. I love you the way you are even though I do feel like your butler sometimes, Princess.”

“Do not fucking address me with that. I’m a male.”

“And now who’s cursing early in the morning? It’s still 7 AM, love,” Ezra chuckled, glancing around to check on the clock. Harst rolled his eyes.

The black and white haired man took another sip and peeked at what Ezra was working on. It was a landscape illustration dominated by red-purplish color. “You were working on this the whole night?” He asked, getting a nod in under one second.

“Yes. What do you think?” Ezra lifted his eyebrows, Harst could see a glimpse of hope in his tired eyes.

“Your works are always perfect. Why do you ask?” Harst muttered, finishing his hot chocolate.

“I see… That’s good to hear. Thank you.” After hearing that, Harst turned his head to Ezra again. Harst admitted that he was acting nice because he needed to do some research for his book, but was that all? Not really, because Harst noticed that something had gone wrong with his boyfriend. Ezra has had this empty look since a week ago. Harst brushed it off because he was busy with himself, but it began to tickle him how depressed Ezra looked now.

“...Is there something wrong with my face?” Ezra asked, getting a weird feeling because Harst was staring at his face for a while now.

“There’s something wrong with you.”

“Ah…? Don’t mind me. I’m okay, really. You should just focus on yourself first, Harst. You’re not yourself lately and I don’t want to bother you,” Ezra immediately continued to work, his trembling hand put on a pressure when his pen touched the tablet. Harst sighed.

“I am, but you’re no exception–”

“See? You admitted it. Baby, how about you take a rest from reading those Russian books?” Ezra said, cutting off Harst’s worry with that stupid idea of his.

“Let me finish my words. Also, reading is a way for me to rest. Did pulling an all-nighter just damage your brain?” Harst felt offended and crossed both of his arms. Ezra didn’t reply with anything.

“What happened, Ezra? You seem so different lately it pains me,” Harst asked genuinely, putting off any of those ‘character practice’. Ezra’s eyes widened in fear, panic started to rise in his heart.

“Harst?? Oh no. I am terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything–I’m sorry. I’ll try my best again. Forgive me for the trouble I have caused. I’m so sorry. I love you, I swear to God that I love you. I didn’t mean to do such a thing.” It was time for Harst’s eyes to give the exact same reaction. Ezra gripped his lover’s shoulders tightly, making an uncomfortable position.

“Ezra...” Harst frowned, didn’t expect his boyfriend to be this bad.

“I’m so sorry,” Ezra repeated again. Harst held Ezra’s hands, putting them above his lap.

“Ezra. Take a deep breath,” Harst ordered, couldn't stand the sight of his boyfriend in this state. Ezra’s body was trembling so bad, making Harst question: Was it the coffee? Was it his fear? Was it the effect of staying up all night?

Ezra followed Harst’s instruction to take a deep breath, he started gaining his composure again. However, he didn’t have any intention to let go of Harst’s hands. “Are you okay?” Harst gave him a worried look. Ezra shifted his eyes to the side.

“I’m quite alright, thankyou for checking up on me. I’m just… tired, I guess.”

Harst smiled, his boyfriend opened up at last. “Let’s talk about it,” Harst sweetly said, rubbing Ezra’s hand to give him his warmth. But from the look of it, Ezra seemed won’t talk first if Harst didn’t ask any triggers.

“Is it because of this? The thing you’re working on? Any problem from the client?” Ezra bit his own lip.

“Yeah. Yeah. And no. There’s nothing wrong with the client. It’s just me,” he answered. Harst definitely knew what to do, so he glanced over Ezra’s work once again without letting go of his hands.

“You’re really talented and skilled in this. I don’t usually express myself daily but that’s what is on my mind, Ezra. I don’t see anything wrong with this. Both you and your work are perfect in my eyes. I’ve always been proud to have you as my boyfriend. ”

A rosy blush started to rise up on his cheeks as he was surprised to look at Harst’s glimmering eyes, enjoying his beloved’s piece of art. If Harst had that look when he stared at Ezra’s works, then… Was it just Ezra’s train of thought? Was it really that good? Because Ezra thought he lacked the skill to finish it.

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Harst asked once again while still looking at the digital canvas displayed on the tablet. Ezra didn’t have any bravery to answer it, so he just nodded in silence.

“It’s hard but you managed to do it this far. Aren’t you incredible?”

Once again, Ezra didn’t reply. To be honest, Harst’s genuine words started to drown inside his head. He wanted this. He wanted to be appreciated. He wanted to be loved. Ezra looked down to their hands, clearly didn’t want for Harst to see this side of him.

“If you feel like you didn’t try your best, that’s alright.”

Harst raised his right hand to pat Ezra’s head, his fingers intertwined with soft dark blue locks. “Because it’s okay for us humans to feel it all.”

Ezra’s lips started to tremble.

“It’s okay to feel it half.”

The older man’s eyes started to tear up.

“Or perhaps nothing at all.”

Once again, he bit his lips and closed his eyes.

“Do you know why, Ezra?” Harst moved both of his hands to cup Ezra’s face, facing each other. Harst used his thumb to wipe off some tears that were running down in silence on his lover’s face.

“Because even the moon isn’t always in its full phase.” Harst’s gaze softened on Ezra, his lips curled up to form the most beautiful smile Ezra had ever seen.

“And we still think that the moon is beautiful even though it’s only on crescent or half,” Harst continued, now feeling Ezra’s head getting heavier and heavier. Ezra had submitted himself. He needed this.

“I’m always by your side. Through thick and thin, through your crescent and full. Please come to me if you need anything. Do you understand what I mean by the moons, Ezra?” The blue haired man nodded slowly.

Harst leaned in to brush their lips for a minute, hoping that this warm kiss would calm his boyfriend down. He pulled out to see Ezra opened his now-red eyes, along with a blush on his cheek. The older one embraced the other and placed his head on Harst’s neck, whispering a soft, “thank you for everything.”

Harst was surprised, but he returned the favor in a matter of time.

“Now, shall we finish our work now and go on a date this evening?”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧